Where I am now.

          I know I haven't updated this blog in over a month, but I have thought about it everyday. I just couldn't get myself to get all my emotions together and write them down. In this last month we have learned that Natalie has a perfectly normal brain her ventricles are not dilated. Hope and pray they stay that way. I am currently 36 weeks and 3 days and in about 16 days (Sept.13) Natalie will be born at Medical City and will have her back surgery on the 14th. She is breech but at this point it doesn't matter since I will be having a c-section to prevent any stress on her.

          Since we found out about Natalie's defect, yes its been hard, but I have always pushed it to the back of my head the idea of it. As the date approaches I find myself so helpless at times. Its time to face the truth which I have dreaded so much. I don't know why this has happened to us.. but I just have to keep on going. I've cried so much just because I am scared and so sad that this has happened to us. I just hate that I will live for that question for the rest of my life, all I can say is I am sorry Natalie. It just breaks my heart that I can't do nothing to fix this or start over.

        Yes, I cry out of the blue because of it, and some people just don't understand, my child has spina bifida yours doesn't. I understand that people keep telling me it will be alright but regardless I wish she wouldn't have to go through any of this pain. I feel as if nothing can heal my pain, I just want her in my arms already so I can just cry all this out.


To anybody that reads this, I would appreciate prayers for Natalie, Franky and myself. We have been strong through this but it seems like we need a little push at times to keep us strong. I will try and update this blog as much as I can when she is born, writing in this blog is very hard sometimes (emotionally) but it helps so much afterwards letting all out.